


So this is letting go (I don’t like it)

by lightly



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-30
Updated: 2011-12-30
Packaged: 2017-10-28 12:31:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/307897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightly/pseuds/lightly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John never knew that Dean drove Sam to the bus station. He never knew this because he didn’t stick around to see what Sam did after he yelled the words “If you go you’d better stay gone!” He just slammed his way out of the motel room, leaving his sons in stunned silence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So this is letting go (I don’t like it)

So this is letting go (I don't like it)

 

I.

 

John never knew that Dean drove Sam to the bus station. He never knew this because he didn’t stick around to see what Sam did after he yelled the words “If you go you’d better stay gone!” He just slammed his way out of the motel room, leaving his sons in stunned silence.

The silence continued in the car, neither knew what to say to the other.

Dean watched Sam leave. He watched his baby brother get on a bus and leave him - a small wave was their only goodbye. Words were meaningless; they could yell and shout out harsh words they didn’t mean, but their voices would crack and they would choke on what they really wanted to say.

 

II.

 

Sam never got a chance to visit Jessica’s grave until four months later. He doesn’t count the funeral, not really. There was just a freshly covered hole surrounded by flowers to say ‘Jess is here’.

He still couldn’t accept it then. Not even with Jess’s friends and family’s hushed whispers ringing in his ears.

“It’s all his fault, you know. He left her in there.”

None of it sank in until Dean pulled him away telling him it was time to go.

 

A job brought them near to Palo Alto, but neither of them mentioned just how close, neither of them mentioned the ‘S’ word, it was all business. They burned a body and rid a nice family of a ghost and that was it, until they were preparing to leave. Dean pointed the Impala in the direction of the graveyard and Sam didn’t tell him no.

Sam couldn’t say goodbye. Jess smiled up at him from a photograph that was taken years before they met. He wished he could have known her then.

He placed the fresh flowers next to the tombstone and walked away.

 

III.

 

It was like déjà vu seen through grown up eyes, but that didn’t stop him from having a four year olds fear of the fire as he watched the burning figure approach.

Instincts, protective and fighting, told him to shoot, but his brother told him to wait. So Dean waited. A part of him died when he saw the familiar face emerge from the flames.

“Mom?”

A thousand ‘I’m sorry’s died on his lips when she smiled at him. He lowered his gun as she walked by, his arm shaking; he couldn’t take his eyes off her.

And then she was gone. Dean watched for a second time as she was consumed by fire. He stared up at the unmarred ceiling; there were no scorch marks to mark her passing, nothing to say she had been there at all. Dean blinked back the threatened tears and turned to reach out for his brother.

When they left the room, Dean didn’t look back.

 

IV.

 

Sam held on to his father, ignoring the pleas of rest from his bruised and battered body. The firm grip he had on his dad’s shoulder was comforting, it meant he was here, they were together. It’s what they had spent the last months fighting for. And now Dean wanted them to separate again?

Sam couldn’t do it.

He heard what Dean was saying and he felt Dean’s weak attempts to pull him away, but the fight was only half over and he didn’t know how much longer he could carry on this way. He had just found his father again, everything would be ok if they stuck together, they would kill the demon and he would be. . . . done.

Sam let his arm drop in resignation. He would never be done.

 

V.

 

Dean felt an eerie, incomplete sense of peace, like he was missing something but it was hard to concentrate on what that was with all the voices buzzing around him. He didn’t hurt anymore and that felt good - he liked not hurting.

He thought about opening his eyes, somewhere above him was telling him to do just that, but he had forgotten how.

The longer he lay still the more he felt like he was floating, and he thought about just how nice it would be to stay right here.

“Hey, Dean? Open you eyes.”

“Sammy?”

“C’mon, Dean, I’m not ready to let go yet. I’m not ready to let you go yet.”

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you crash my car?”

 

FIN


End file.
